Welcome!

Allow me to welcome you to the official REN'AI RENSAI website! Whether you're a long time fan or a new reader, I hope you enjoy all that there is to offer here. This is considered an interactive website, meaning your comments and suggestions towards the series are more than welcome. Happy browsing!

LAST UPDATED: December 20th, 2015

Site Map:

• About - Learn about the REN'AI RENSAI lesbian erotic romance series, from its background to its themes.
• Books - Enjoy pages dedicated to every release in the series - from general information, high quality images, excerpts, and of course buying links, we've got you covered!
• Characters - Short summaries of the major and minor characters inhabiting the RR universe. 
• Setting - Notes about Japan, from a general cultural overview to the nitty gritty of what Tokyo neighborhoods everyone is from.
• Soundtracks - Recommended listening for reading.
• Q&A - Questions answered by the author. Submissions welcomed.
• Newsletter - Sign up for the monthly newsletter announcing the latest releases.
• Match Maker - Find out who your RR soul mate is.
• HB.com - Link to the author's general website. 

 I hope your enjoy this little piece of REN'AI RENSAI heaven. Without you, none of this would be possible!

-Hildred Billings

(PS: Don't forget that the short story "ROUMAN." is free in most territories!)

Amazon .:. B&N .:. Kobo

"DAITE.", "AITAI." and "ZUTTO." (JIAI JOUWA Collections)

"DAITE.", "AITAI." and "ZUTTO."

Amazon

Translation: "Hold Me.", "I Want To See You." and "Forever."
Published: September 22nd, 2015
Price: $9.99
Era: Present
Time Period: ---
Editor: Lindsay York
Paperback: Not Available

Blurb: 
This collection features the entire trilogy for the first time ever!

"DAITE."
Approximately 85,000 words

Born into an elite family, Jun has spent her life cultivating the professional qualities needed to claim her inheritance, the Nippon Royal Hotel empire. Just when she thinks her dream is about to come true, however, Jun's uncle ships her from her homeland of Hokkaido to the city of Nagoya to become the new local general manager.

Enter Saya, a twenty-something who invades Jun's life with a bang and leaves just as swiftly. It's the hope of seeing Saya again that keeps Jun grounded in her goal of taking over the family empire one day... and the more she encounters the enigmatic Saya, the more she realizes she's falling for her.

Under the scrutiny of her uncle, Jun must prove that she can become the head of the family. But she also must prove to herself that she is capable of sustaining a romantic relationship, even if her intended has an insatiable wanderlust. Her family's judgment, Saya's crippling demons, and the needs of the people she meets along the way will all conspire to make Jun say, "daite," or "hold me," never again.

"DAITE." takes place from February - August, 2013.
"AITAI."
Approximately 88,000 words
Ten years ago Saya escaped a forced marriage in the house of Hara, granting herself the freedom to follow her will. And for ten years she has been content to live a life of near poverty and menial labor in exchange for being the master of her own destiny. That was until she met Jun, the hotel heiress who stole her heart and taught her what love and protection could feel like.

Now Saya finds herself torn between two worlds: her girlfriend's reality, comprised of formalities and endless wealth, and her own head, which pulls her to the isolation of the Japanese countryside. Jun wants her to settle in the city, yet Saya is not sure she can live with the pressures to conform to high society.

In the midst of this dilemma is the one thing Saya wants more than anything else - a divorce from the man who tried to ruin her life. But the leash connecting her to the Haras runs long, and Saya soon finds that her heart's call of "Aitai," or "I want to see you," not only echoes for Jun when they are apart, but for the people who forced her to become the woman she is today.

"AITAI." takes place from October, 2013 - May, 2014
"ZUTTO."

Approximately 108,000 words

For two years Jun and Saya have slowly built a romantic relationship based on love and mutual respect. Although they come from vastly different backgrounds, their determination has helped them carve a home in Nagoya, the city in the heart of Japan.



They assumed it would last forever. Then Jun's uncle Akihiro drops a surprise on them: they're moving back to Sapporo, where Jun will finally assume the title of heir to her family's hospitality empire.

It's everything Jun has wanted since she began her career fifteen years ago. It's everything Saya has feared.

Now back in Sapporo, Jun must navigate the anxious waters that will lead her to becoming chairman one day. And Saya must learn to cope with her new glamorous lifestyle, all while fighting back the loneliness that haunts Japan's northernmost city.

Ex-lovers, new friends, and old drama all come together to put Jun and Saya through their biggest test yet. It's not enough for them to want to be together zutto, or forever. They must find the one thing that brings and keeps them together the most - a thing more precious than love itself.

"ZUTTO." takes place from January - June, 2015.

"ZUTTO." (Jiai Jouwa, #3)

"ZUTTO."

AMAZON - B&N - Kobo - Google Play

Translation: "Forever."
Japanese Title: 「ずっと。」
Published: June 1st, 2015
Price: $4.99
Era: Present
Time Period: January - June, 2015
Editor: Lindsay York
Paperback: Currently Not Available

Blurb: 

For two years Jun and Saya have slowly built a romantic relationship based on love and mutual respect. Although they come from vastly different backgrounds, their determination has helped them carve a home in Nagoya, the city in the heart of Japan.

They assumed it would last forever. Then Jun’s uncle Akihiro drops a surprise on them: they’re moving back to Sapporo, where Jun will finally assume the title of heir to her family’s hospitality empire.

It’s everything Jun has wanted since she began her career fifteen years ago. It’s everything Saya has feared.

Now back in Sapporo, Jun must navigate the anxious waters that will lead her to becoming chairman one day. And Saya must learn to cope with her new glamorous lifestyle, all while fighting back the loneliness that haunts Japan’s northernmost city.

Ex-lovers, new friends, and old drama all come together to put Jun and Saya through their biggest test yet. It’s not enough for them to want to be together zutto, or forever. They must find the one thing that brings and keeps them together the most - a thing more precious than love itself.

"IKIGAI." (Ren'Ai Rensai, #7)

"IKIGAI."

Amazon - Kobo - BN - Google

Translation: "Reason for Living."
Japanese Title: 「生き甲斐。」
Published: October 30th , 2014
Price: $4.99
Era: Present
Time Period: October, 2014 - February, 2015 
Editor: Lindsay York
Cover Photo: Wisky
Paperback: Currently Not Available

Blurb:

"People say that we change as we get older. My biggest fear was that I would wake up one day and no longer be in love with Reina. Instead I woke up one day with urges that took me to the very kind of people she couldn't even think about."

Aiko almost has the perfect life. A strong marriage, a fun part-time job teaching English, and a healthy social life that keeps her stimulated in more ways than one. But she's changing. For the first time in years, there is someone she is falling for... and it's not someone her spouse would approve of. 

How can she truly be happy if she's repressing a part of what makes her tick?

"I haven't changed in over twenty-five years. This includes most of my opinions. Except I don't have popular opinions about anything. Take gender for example. I know I'm messed up, but it could be worse. I could really hate my body to the point I can't live in it anymore. Not even my wife understands that. But somebody else does."

Reina has come far in her therapy, but nothing can change the fact sometimes she can't face the way the world treats her because of her body. When she searches for someone who understands her, she meets another woman dealing with gender dysphoria. A woman whose dysphoria has taken her to a place Reina is still afraid to traverse. 

It's taken twenty years for Reina and Aiko to seal their relationship. Now the years have caught up to them and they must decide what their "ikigai," or their reason for living is. Friends come and go; lovers can be finicky; family is what they make of it. 

Their final hurdle in life, love, and sexuality will determine now and forever who they will spend the rest of their lives with. And they want so badly for it to be each other. 

Excerpt:

Coming Soon

"JOSHOKU." (Ren'Ai Rensai, #6)

Amazon - B&N

"JOSHOKU"

Translation: "Lust for Women."
Japanese Title: 「女色。」
Published: June 27th, 2014
Price: $4.99
Era: Past
Time Period: March, 1994 - August, 1996
Editor: Lindsay York
Cover Photo: Wisky
Paperback: Currently Not Available

Blurb:

One year into their relationship, Reina and Aiko embark on a journey into the world of academia. For Reina it's about changing her situation in life, even it means returning to a world ran by a foreign religion and young women who claim to be both her best friends and worst enemies. For Aiko it's proving to her mother, to the world, and to herself that there is more to life than husband hunting. For them both it's late nights finding unconventional ways to study for tests as they find new reasons to love each other.

Adulthood lurks in every shadow, from coming to terms with mortality to straining against the shackles that threaten to keep their lives stagnant. Reina wants to find direction in her life; Aiko wants to control her own destiny. Together they want what will become the foundation of their relationship - love, safety, and the exploration of their burning joshoku, or the passion that leads one to women again and again. Even if one of them is an impostor herself.

Excerpt:

            “Excuse me,” Aiko said, stopping a saleswoman and holding up a green bra. “Does this come in any other color?”

            While the saleswoman took the bra to go look in the back, Reina dangled a silky black bra and panty set in front of Aiko.

            “You should get this one,” she said, jerking the hanger back and forth. “I bet you’d look reallysexy in a piece like this.”

            Aiko glanced around the shop, only temporarily relieved when she saw no one paid them any mind. The cramped store was stuffed with racks of underwear and women talking over one another as the cars on the street drowned out their voices. Nothing could drown out Reina’s voice, however. It was right in Aiko’s ear, taunting her with that seductive tone that had once awakened her inner lesbian.

            “I need something practical.” Aiko tried to be collected, but whenever her girlfriend teased her like that, she turned into jelly. She busied her hands by flipping through a rack she had already inspected twice before. “That material would scratch my skin if I wore it all day.”

            “You’re not supposed to wear it all day. This is shit you wear to make you feel sexy and to make your girlfriend want to jump your bones.”

            “Like you need help with that.”

            The saleswoman came back with a pink version of the bra Aiko liked. “Would you like me to open a changing room for you?”

            “That would be great, thanks.”

            Reina stayed out of the changing area while Aiko was shown into the one at the far end of the hall. After locking the door, she stripped off her top and the one bra she had left that Reina had yet to destroy with her pawing. One strap drooped down her arm as she admired – as in criticized – her figure in the mirror.

            Have I gained weight? Aiko turned to her side and stuck her leg up in the air behind her. It made her back suck in and flatten her stomach. Maybe not. Skin stretched across her abdomen as she twisted it around to get a better look. By the time she decided she was not obese – yet – both of her bra straps had fallen down, reminding her of what she came in there for.

            Three bras hung from the door, each one the usual style and colors Aiko liked. When a woman knows what she likes... She hopped up and grabbed the pink bra she wanted.

            Trying on clothing of any kind was a test in patience. There was getting the damn things on; making sure they fit snugly, but not too snugly; checking to see that the color matched her skin tone; looking for any spots that would itch or irritate her later; turning in every direction to catch the best angles; pretending to be a model in a sexy magazine. Aiko spun on her heels and laughed in frivolity as someone pounded on the door.

            “I’m fine!” she called, assuming it was the saleswoman. “I’ll be out in a bit.”

            Another thump. “Ai-chan!” It was Reina. “Open up! I wanna show you something.”

            “Eh?” Aiko snatched her shirt and held it up to her chest. Slowly, as if the dressing room was full of people ready to check out her nipples, Aiko eased the door open and gazed at her girlfriend through the crack.

            Reina swung the door open and marched into the changing room, arm laden with bras.

            “Are you trying something on?” Aiko dropped her shirt and bent to pick it up again. When she stood, she saw her girlfriend latching the door shut, a sinister smile on her visage. “I didn’t think you wore...”

            The sexy black bra popped into her face. “I brought some stuff for you to try on.”

            “What? Me?” Aiko backed against the mirror. “I already have things to try on.”

            The black bra did a dance in the air, and puppet master Reina continued, “Nothing sexy.”

            “I’m not buying anything sexy like that.”

            “Aw, come on, you’re not even gonna try them on? How boring.” Reina dropped the bra to her side. I’m still not used to this haircut. If it weren’t for those thin lips and the usual clothes Reina wore, Aiko would not recognize her without long hair. “Not even for me?”

            “Why would I do it for you?”

            “Harsh.”

"NIGOU." (Ren'Ai Rensai: Gaiden)

Amazon - B&N

Translation: "Nigou."
Japanese Title: 「二号。」
Published: May 9th, 2014  
Price: $4.99
Era: Present
Time Period: May - September, 2014
Editor: Lindsay York
Cover Photo: Khorzhevska
Paperback: Currently Not Available

Blurb: 

For two years Jun and Reina have had an agreeable arrangement: when it’s convenient, they’ll meet up and have a good time together. “Good time,” however, has changed over the past few months. Beaten with stress from her job and the dilemmas of her primary relationship, Jun has decided she wants Reina to be more than someone she meets for hours of passion between the sheets. To be more than a “nigou,” or the dirty mistress on the side.

Emotional commitment isn’t exactly something Reina can subscribe to. She’s used up her intimacy tokens with her wife Aiko, and now the idea of bringing another serious woman into her love life isn’t exactly her idea of fun! Not to mention Jun’s younger girlfriend Saya, who is less than keen on the idea of multiple partners, but willing to make it work.

As they tiptoe on the edge of polyamory, both Reina and Jun have to decide what they want from each other - and from their primary partners. What they discover is the give and take that can happen beyond the scope of a casual relationship. How two women can find the therapy missing from their lives in the arms of a nigou.

Excerpt:

            “You still like men, huh?”

            “Please.” Jun drank the last of her wine as if it were water. “Men… they’re fine on a superficial level. I had some good times with them. Even had great sex once in a while. But I couldn’t love them, not like I love women. Women are…” She placed her fingers on her lips, and for the first time Reina realized a fine layer of gloss covered them. “I’ve never been able to put words to it, but I love women so much more. It doesn’t matter if they’re feminine or masculine. The connection I have with them – with you – reaches into the depths of our desires and our ability to know what feels good and how to accomplish it. Men got lucky with me. Women know me. Just like you know me so well, Reina-san.”

            I know you all right. Jun was hilariously easy to figure out, once Reina spent more time with her. She led an uptight life in a man’s world, trying to constantly kiss ass and suck the cock of the patriarchy. Yet deep inside she was a submissive wench, and just because she was a lesbian didn’t mean she didn’t want a big and tough woman to plow the stress out of her. I can do that. Reina lived an uptight life in a man’s world as well, but her approach to dealing with it was completely different. She liked to blend in and fuck women like Jun. And like my wife. Although Jun was the one who needed it on an all but spiritual level.

            All those dirty thoughts made Reina bite the sleeve of Jun’s blouse and contemplate ripping it off her. Servers and asshole hosts be damned.

            Their dinner of fish and pasta was delectable, although Reina didn’t want to know how much it cost. I’ll let her deal with that. Having “the woman” pay didn’t threaten her masculinity. She was a poor sod and Jun was loaded. I’ll pay her back in my own way. Jun ordered another glass of wine and insisted Reina try it, but not before sampling dinner off her plate, though they ate the same dishes.

            “I’m glad we could do this tonight,” Jun said, curled up against Reina as she tickled her chin with her long fingers. Someone got a manicure recently. Still a raging lesbian. Her nails were buffed down to an inoffensive length. “It’s been such a trying week.” Was she insinuating she needed something in particular? “Work is kicking my ass and all this traveling… not to mention I had that TV thing this week. Also, my girlfriend and I had a fight the other night.”

            “Kawai sou.”

            Jun laid her hand in Reina’s lap. “Do you often fight with your wife?”

            “Not really.” Disagreements, sure, but it had been a while since their last tears-in-the-eyes and doors-slamming fight.

            “Ii na.”

            “When we do fight, though, we really make it count.” Their last one ended with Reina storming out of the house and going to her mother’s. A wild feat, considering she hadn’t been friendly with that woman since she was a child. “A small fight isn’t so bad.”

            “I guess so. I don’t like it when people are upset about something. I always feel like I have to do something about it. You know what I mean?”

            No. Reina’s solution was to ignore the whole situation and leave. “It happens.”

            “Nee, Reina-san…” Jun scooted closer, her chin resting on Reina’s shoulder. Someone wants me. That warm body rubbing against hers… how could she reject it? Had dinner digested yet? Clearly it was time to pack up and get out of there. “I really need you tonight.” The palms of Jun’s hands splayed across Reina’s chest, fingers clenching her blouse and tugging at her buttons. “I’ll do anything you want.”

            The implications of that made Reina need a cigarette. She pulled one out of her pocket and lit it using one hand. Jun caught Reina’s wrist and took the lighter from her. Black plastic flickered in the low light. “Anything, huh? That’s a dangerous thing to say.” Reina relaxed into the booth and blew out some smoke.

            “I trust you. I trust that I can say that and you know exactly what I mean. You like it too.”

            “Hmm.” True. Reina liked giving Jun what she wanted. While she flips it on me and makes it sound like it was my idea. Nobody could say Jun didn’t know how to play the game. “Maybe I want something a little unorthodox, even for us.” She gently tugged on Jun’s blouse, pulling the back of it out of her skirt.

            “Ooh, tell me. Spare no detail.”

            Reina nudged her nose into Jun’s ear, whispering, “I want to be a man tonight.”

            The beauty in her arm stiffened. “How so?”

            Cigarette now useless, Reina pounded it into an ashtray and used her newly free hand to stroke Jun beneath her chin. “I want to have straight sex with you. What is there to understand?”

            She thought Jun would protest, or at least express further confusion. But she merely contemplated her empty wine glass and curled her glossy lips into a smile. “I haven’t had a man in a long, long time.”

            “I’ll be the best one you’ve ever had. Worth the wait.”

            “I’m sure you are.” Jun purred at the caress she received. “Any particular reason you want to do it like that?”

            “Because you’re so feminine tonight.” Reina took her lover’s hand and curled it into her lap, letting Jun feel the phallus there. “Can’t you feel how hard I am?”

            “I certainly can.” Jun’s hand pushed into her lover’s lap, digging the base of the phallus into Reina’s groin.

            She beamed, ruthlessly. “I’ll really make you feel like a woman tonight. Do you want to submit to me?”

            Shivers as palpable as Jun’s heartbeat passed on to Reina. I’ve got her. It didn’t take much with Jun, but she was killing it. She’s all mine tonight. Flashes of what Reina would do to her, from ripping off these pretty clothes to making her scream in a high voice, played in her mind. “Yes,” was all Jun said.

            They skipped dessert.

"USOTSUKI." (Ren'Ai Rensai: Gaiden)

Amazon - B&N

Translation: "Liar."
Japanese Title: 「嘘つき。」
Published: February 28th, 2014  
Price: $4.99
Era: Present
Time Period: May, 2010 - September, 2013
Editor: Lindsay York
Cover Photo: Chaoss
Paperback: Currently Not Available

Blurb:

Fate struck Haruka and Kaori one warm spring day not so many years ago. Without question they accepted their destiny, swearing to love each other and to forge a new life built on their unwavering devotion for what they had.

Kaori, the dutiful career woman who always has her eyes on the next stage of her life; Haruka, the easy-going musician who will do anything to support her girlfriend’s ambitions. One of them is lying. Maybe they both are. It’s these amassing lies about their families, their friends, and their jobs that will lead them to discovering who is the biggest “usotsuki,” or liar, between them.

Their relationship might just survive it

Excerpt:

   The woman picked up the cup with both hands and blew the steam off the top. The way her lips made a delicate O shape, pushing that pink gloss outward, was too enticing for Haruka to stare at directly. She kept her eyes on the white saucer on the counter as the customer sipped the tea… but Haruka made the grievous mistake of looking up as the woman swallowed.

            “Oh, that is lovely,” came a satisfied voice. “How much is it?”

            Haruka told her the price, and the woman quickly made the decision to purchase a small package. She rang her up on the register, taking the woman’s money while trying to keep her hand from passing over those manicured fingers.

            “By the way,” the woman began again, taking her receipt and her bag by the handles, “is that Ephemeral’s latest CD?”

            Haruka’s jaw nearly fell off her face. “You know Ephemeral?” The rock tunes held a steady undercurrent to their conversation, the lead singer’s scratchy vocals belting out a chorus about a crimson-colored love affair.

            The woman nodded. “They’re one of my favorite bands.”

            No way. This dainty looking woman, with the pressed outfit and perfect hair and make-up? She was into rock music like Ephemeral’s? “They are my favorite band right now,” was all Haruka could say.

            “Are they?” The woman clutched her bag to her chest. Her curving chest, as Haruka couldn’t help but notice. This was the kind of day that could only get better or worse, depending on if she lived in a comedy or a tragedy.

            “Yeah… did you hear that they just transferred to a major label?”

            “Absolutely. Everyone in their fan club heard about it.”

            “You’re in their fanclub?” Not even Haruka bothered with that. Sometimes her favorite bands came and went so quickly that she learned to not join fanclubs until she was sure they would be around for a while – or that she would be interested in them. “I only heard about it online, on their website.”

            “Uh huh…” The plastic handles of the bag tumbled in the woman’s hands, stretching as her skin turned red. Is she nervous? Haruka hid her hands behind her back, so the customer couldn’t see her nervous habits, like flicking her fingernails. “Actually,” the woman then continued, with a meek voice, “I have tickets to their show this Saturday. The fanclub only live celebrating their anniversary and getting onto a major label… I have an extra ticket… but nobody to go with…”

            Haruka nodded. Then the words sank in.

            The entirety of her thoughts, feelings, and words were lodged in her throat, blocking her ability to swallow or speak. Is she asking me out? That pretty side-glance, that charismatic smile, those fluttering lashes… this felt like something straight out of a teen drama, where the (bluntly heterosexual) female lead waited for the good-looking hero to ask her out. Does that make me the good-looking hero?

            Behind her, the lyrics from Ephemeral’s song about knee-shaking love played out. “Take the one you love by the shoulders and tell them that you love them.” That was the lead singer’s way of expressing that sort of desire. Haruka, however, would not take this young woman by the shoulders and scream, “Yes!” even though she wanted to. Instead she said, “I hope you can find someone to go with.”

            A flash of disappointment covered the woman’s complexion. “Maybe…” It was replaced with deep, churning red. “Are you available Saturday night?”

            She’s asking me out! Heart pounding so hard that it almost bruised her ribs, Haruka’s mouth went dry. Say yes, idiot!

            “I’m, uh… Douyoubi kana…” Haruka scrambled to remember what she was possibly doing that Saturday. She had to work during the day, and at night her father was hosting a small party with his friends, but… Nothing important. Still, how could she blurt out yes to a complete stranger? She didn’t know this woman from the Empress. There were friends of Haruka’s who would have no problem saying yes – many of them foreign and from countries where being forward like that was permissible. But Haruka still had it pounded into her head that she should be demure, in a fashion. Like this woman before her, who managed to ask her out while looking like a sweet thing who knew not what she did. I am pretty sure she knows.

            “Oh, you must be busy. Please forget I asked.” The woman turned and took a step.

            “No, wait!” Haruka lunged across the counter, one hand extended toward the woman. “I mean… I’m not busy. If you really can’t think of anyone else to go with…”

            The woman glanced over her shoulder, relieved. I almost ruined her day. And almost ruined her own.

            A cell phone came out of the woman’s purse. “Let me get your number… Miss…”

            “Huh? Oh!” Haruka pulled out her phone. “My name is Haruka. Haruka Kitamoto.”

            The woman typed into her phone. “Nice to meet you, Haruka-san. My name is Kaori.”

            Kaori. Haruka remained in a daze as she inputted the woman’s name and number into her phone. That’s a pretty name. It evoked the word for “scent,” perfumed, laced in lavender, like the tranquil moments after a bath when everything was clean. But the wink Kaori gave her as she waved goodbye and left was anything but clean.

            “See you Saturday, Haruka-san,” she said, hand over the doorknob. The bells jingled as the door opened. “I look forward to it.”

            Haruka stood as if living in a dream. When her father returned minutes later, he asked her what was wrong, and all she could say was, “I hope you don’t need me Saturday night.”